Feminist. Now that is something I never classified myself as. Ever. I have always believed in the general equality of men and women. As in women should earn as much as men and men should help out in the kitchen. These were values I grew up with and thought they were just widely accepted. But a feminist to me was someone who took out her soapbox and screamed at the world, someone who was fighting the world every minute of her life against evil men. I did not have the time or the energy for that (while I appreciated those who did fight for the rest of us). I had other issues to worry about.
All that changed in India. Values I had held to be, well self-evident, were nowhere to be found. And as a result of me being in conservative, rural, Rajasthan, I was suddenly… the Feminist. It didn’t start with the label, it started with me getting worked up about things I saw happening in society around me. Or seeing what place women had in society (at times quite literally). What got my dupatta in a real twist was the fact that this was the status quo for them and I was the one with the strange new ideas about equality. Discovering this new aspect about my persona was a little unnerving. What happened to not having time for “women’s” issues?
Well, let me tell you what happened. I took them up. I decided that while I was there, for however long or short time it was, I was going to do something about it. For those who know me or saw me work, I can assure you that I went about it my own way. When faced with opposition (yes, the evil men) or in some cases the women, I didn’t believe in arguing and debating to change opinions (opinions that have been in place for centuries). I believe that education and DOING things is what changes society. And so began the upward battle: teaching women to write their names, involving them in the smallest of decisions, having them speak in public in front of visitors. These were how I decided to change society.
You might think these are small achievements, especially in a place where child marriages and female infanticide happens. But this was our feminist movement.
As I became accustomed to my new role, the strangest behavior started to manifest itself. To gain acceptance from the community (both men and women), I realized I started getting… more conservative. Oftentimes I heard myself say: “No, of course you need to ask for your husband’s permission” and “Yes, women do need to learn how to cook and clean the house” (silently adding that they should also learn to take financial and livelihood decisions). In many meetings and conferences, I was called upon to give motivational speeches, to get the women standing up and believing that they can bring change in their lives and communities. But, in order not to scare them, I had to show them that I was at a place where they would be comfortable meeting me: half way.
While analyzing my own journey, I started seeing the journey of some individuals, “community leaders” that emerged as time went on. I realized that the journey for them was much harder than it was for me. While my demons were internal, oftentimes they faced taunts such as “Masterni” and “Netaji” (teacher and politician – yes I know, HUGE insults) as they left the village for meetings. But the ones that came forward turned a deaf ear towards these taunts and realized that they were doing something for a greater good. They were becoming spokeswomen for their sisters and mothers (who never had this chance). They are creating a different world for their daughters. And most importantly, they are creating an identity for themselves, sometimes from scratch.
The journey was most evident at a conference I went to in Sanchi, Madhya Pradesh. Women from different areas of SRIJAN’s projects had come together for two days. I remember standing in a circle (of around 70-80 women), holding hands. We had all come from very different places, speaking very different languages and had taken different paths. But we had all ended in that same circle, working towards the same goal.
If you think of a spectrum of feminism (conservative to liberal, traditional to modern), think of me as starting at one end and the village women starting at the other end. Through the course of the year, we all build identities for ourselves and met, in the middle.
For me, that also meant getting used to (and changing the definition of) the label, feminist.
