I am woman: hear me roar, but not too loudly

So its been almost 6 months since I’ve been here. As you can see from my blog I have not had time to update anything while at the same time so much has happened. I don’t have too much time to dwell on things because most of my time is spent doing things and planning things.
I thought I should start writing again, before I forget little things that happen and the thoughts that run through my head on a day to day basis (usually at night as I am trying to fall asleep).
Today I wanted to write a big about gender and development. I should let you know that I’m the only girl on the team here. Not to mention I come from a very different cultural background. While we are working on women’s empowerment, I’ve come to learn that with that – you have to move very slowly. Initially when I came here, the women would only want to talk to me, especially in new villages. I became a type of role model for the women and girls who’d come to the self-help group meetings. Being a woman working in this field is a very interesting position. I am there to teach these women to leave their homes, explore new roles (such as handling money and speaking in small groups). At the same time, I have to show them that I’m not too different than them. If I come across as too forward and too independent, they might get scared of the kind of effect I would have on their society and not accept me as much as I would want them to. Not to mention the kind of effect it would have on the men here.
The other role I play is in the community I live in. For example, I don’t cook my own food and I go to all types of stores (including the mechanics) and buy what I want (rather than sending some guy to do it as other girls do here). So in that aspect I am a whole lot more independent than anyone else around. I think its great considering we work with women’s empowerment. At the same time, there are moments when I get put into traditional female roles which I tried to fight for a very long time. For example, we had a party with a lot of food (cake and all) and when it came time to serve no one came forward. I was the one who served all the plates and handed it to people. I thought it was very odd that these men worked for women’s empowerment yet didn’t come forward to help me. It made me mad at the moment. Its at that time that I realized that the way I “balanced” my role in villages (as empowered woman as well as someone they can relate to) that I have to “balance” my role at work as well. Another example: I got put incharge of finding a maid for our office – um why me was my first question. Once again I realized, I have to balance my role and figure out where to play what kind of role.
I hope this wasn’t rambling and made some sense. This is something I’ve pondering for a while now. I hope to update this soon again.